Blog #4 | One bite at a time

If food allergies or intolerances have ever made their way into your life, you likely know the apprehension that comes with eating out at truly any restaurant. There are a number of questions that might run through your mind like:

What ingredients did the cook use?

Were all the ingredients listed on the menu truly the ones that end up on the plate in front of me?

Was there any cross contamination?

Maybe when I’m further along on my journey these types of questions will become less overwhelming, but I’m a bit of a newbie on the journey today.

A couple days ago I ate out for the first time which meant having to give up a bit more control as I obviously didn’t know how the meal was sourced, exactly what would be included in the meal and if there was any cross contact that would be an issue for me later.

I’ve learned that clear is most kind in these situations. Obviously anxious, I needed to get myself out of fight or flight mode to ensure I’m clearly communicating with our waitress about what I could and couldn’t have. Ask any of my people, ordering is not my strong suit, even after I practice it a couple times first. Sadly, not a joke.

I’ve learned that even if my situation is complex, the simpler and more straightforward I can make the order, the easier for everyone involved. So I shared that I’m currently only allowed to eat a set number of foods, three of those being chicken, broccoli and olive oil. The waitress was amazing and said she’d ask the chef before coming back to ask how those three ingredients should be prepared to eliminate as much cross contamination. Truly a gem of a human.

Most of the time that doesn’t happen. If you’re on this journey, you know you can really get the range of responses including “we don’t accommodate changes to the menu,” but rarely does a place do their best to accommodate your situation. That said, if that’s just me, please tell me where you all are eating.

Although the food was as cleanly done as possible, I still had minor reactions in the restaurant and throughout the night. Obviously, a bummer, but not unexpected.

That said, the reactions didn’t carry over into the next morning, so I took the wins where I could.

I’m still so far from knowing how to do this eating out socially thing, which definitely causes a bit of sadness and anxiety. But with everything, we take big things on one bite (literally) at a time and evaluate from there. My goal has just been to continue to try, obviously monitor, and see what next steps to take as I make this food intolerance journey livable with the world around me.

If you have any tips from your food journey on tackling the restaurant piece, please let a girl know!

Always with you on this journey, thanks for joining me.

With love,

Ashley

Maybe it’s time to be vulnerable.

I started this blog as an open community for people going through similar health journeys to join my stories, share theirs and connect about our tummy tantrums.

Sharing my story has been extremely difficult. Especially in-person and maybe you feel some element of that too.

Most often when sharing any element of my story I get one of two reactions from people.

Reaction one: “That’s terrifying. Are you constantly afraid of eating?” and “How scary, that must be such an isolating journey.”

OR

Reaction two: “Everyone nowadays has stomach issues. My grandson once had a stomach bug, but that has passed so he’s okay now and I’m sure you will be too.”

If you’ve been through scary food issues in any way, you know how unhelpful both of these types of statements can be.

So recently I’ve shut down a bit more on sharing this journey. Sometimes it’s easier for someone to see me and think I’m perfectly healthy without needing to hear what ~40 single-ingredient foods I’m able to eat at the moment.

That said, I know that we’re not placed on this earth to have isolating journeys.

I was reminded of all this last night at a concert with some friends. As I waited with my friends to pick up their food truck orders, obviously it was a pass for me, one of my friends asked how I was doing. She mentioned that she didn’t want me to feel like I always had to share, but that she cared and wanted to know how the journey was going. I’m embarrassed to say this, but I gave a canned response to a good friend. I was actively having a reaction and was just trying to keep on a brave face during the concert.

I know she knew I was lying, but she didn’t push further.

But after I’ve continued to wonder why I lied. Why didn’t I feel uncomfortable telling her exactly how I felt? Did I think she’d be scared or overwhelmed at my story that day? Was it just easier to shut down and pretend like I was okay to get through the event? Do I just in general feel more comfortable having a bit of a barrier around this food journey?

The answer honestly is yes to all three.

Acting that way is unfair though. It’s unfair to my friend for not being authentic to our friendship and it’s unfair to me for not living in the truth of the moment.

On this journey, some days I feel on top of the world ready for anything that life throws my way. Others I’m just in pain and it’s hard to think straight. But the one thing I can control is how I live regardless of what tantrum my body may be throwing my way.

I’m still not sure how to be fully authentic and vulnerable on this journey. But I promised at the start of this blog that I’d be honest about all the emotions that come along this journey and intend to keep that commitment.

If you are out there and know me, please call me out on the canned answers. I’m working to be more honest about this journey in-person and never want to underestimate our relationship by not giving you the truth.

If you’re out there and you have tips on how to do this better as you’re traveling through your own journey or want to take on this challenge with me, please let me know.

Always with you on this journey, thanks for joining me.

With love,

Ashley

Every day in fight or flight.

Sitting in the airport a couple years ago now, it was pointed out to me that I was physically shaking as I started to eat the meal in front of me. Apparently, it was clear to anyone sitting with me how terrified I was to eat this meal, or more accurately any meal.

I was shocked at the observation.

I knew that I would was nervous about eating and any reactions that would inevitably come after, but between us, I really thought I was hiding it well. Jokes on me, I guess.

Physicians at the time shared with me that I was in an intense fight or flight battle each day without even realizing it. Most likely my body was in this mode 24/7, but would escalate immediately before, during and after meals when I had to encounter the very thing that had tried to kill me a couple times before.

However, living in this state makes everything worse. There are numerous studies about how living in a state of anxiety is bad for any digestion, let alone proper digestion.

So, what’s a girl to do?

Apparently, box breathing. Or if that’s not your thing, several other breathing techniques could be used. The concept is so simple and yet it was extremely difficult for me to start implementing into my daily practice.

The technique shared with me was essentially the following:

· Deeply breathe in for four counts

· Hold for four counts

· Exhale for four counts

· Hold for four counts

· Repeat

The goal set for me was to do this 3-5 times before each meal and another 5 – 10 before bed at night. This would allow me to get out of fight or flight modes so I could digest better and be more restful going into a night’s sleep.

What I continue to find fascinating about health journeys are how very simple things that are done repetitively can improve our lives.

While I don’t know what you might be going through, I can say that getting my body out of fight or flight mode with this technique was a game changer. It allowed me to think a bit more clearly, root myself in the current moment and digest better as I was still in the process of trying to figure out what was going on.

Always with you on this journey, thanks for joining me.

With love,

Ashley